Breaking Points: Revamped
by gearseffect
Summary: Breaking Points: Bridges the gap between ME2 Arrival DLC and ME3. It will carry through ME3 and conclude Jake Shepard's ME series arch. His LI is Samara check out Awakening for her story.


**Breaking Points: A Mass Effect Fanfic.**

**Chapter 1: Delayed Arrival**

_Author's Notes: Hello all, I know it has been so very long since I last dropped a chapter for either Breaking Points or Awaking. But the drought is coming to an end. _

_When I first started work on these series I had a clear outline for the overall story and I still do. However when I published the first chapters of Breaking Points I cut some content from them in oder to hold a certain page limit. So I cut lots of content from Breaking Points._

_It wasn't until I cut content from the last chapter I did of Awakening that I decided I shouldn't have cut any content. So I set to work re-adding all the cut content from the old Breaking Points and the stuff from Awakening. _

_Another thing I did in the first chapters was I doubted my skills. A close friend of mine managed to really affect how I approached everything. Thank you so much Sport, I am eternally grateful to you._

_So what started with me re-adding the content I cut turned into something so much more. I decided to go big and do what I'm capable of, what I always felt these fics could be. Which is give Jake Shepard the finale arch I always wanted him to have. _

_Deep character writing is what I like, where the audience really develops a connection to the characters. That allows for emotional twists and turns that keep viewers on the edge of their seat._

_That means I'll be exploring Jake Shepard's relationships with all the ME cast. Thane, Jack, Samara, Liara, Anderson, Hackett, Tali, Garrus, Miranda, Kelly, Wrex, Grunt, Ashley, Jacob Taylor, EDI, Joker, Kasumi, Zaeed, all of them will have their time and share in the spot light. _

_As you can see the size and scope of Breaking Points has grown and Awakening will also be getting a shot in the arm too. I have not abandoned any of the plot threads or these fics. I have been making them the best they can be. _

_Another change I wanted to point out is that switched Jake Shepard to first person. So you all are practically riding along in his mind. Should allow for a deeper connection to form. _

_I also want to keep the original Breaking Points up on Fanfic as a way to sort of show the difference and progress I've made as a writer. _

_As always thank you and I look forward to hearing your thoughts and feedback_

_All the Best_

_Gearseffect_

**Intro**

The Alpha Relay had been destroyed and along with it the entire Bahak system. Which was home to roughly 300,000 Batarians. Jacob Shepard knew that was just going to be the start of it. Now Alliance Command had ordered him back to Earth for a bullshit political circus. Hackett was stalling things as best he could, so Jake could take care of some last minute things. Jake Shepard sat in the mess hall of the Normandy deep in thought.

**Part: 1: Reflecting**

I was born on the colony world of Mindoir. When I was 16 my entire life was destroyed in a slave raid. My family and friends, all dead, everything that had been my life was gone. After Mindoir, I was pissed off, angry at everything and everyone, except myself. I wanted to kill slavers, pirates, raiders, murdering scum, anyone who could be an outlet for my rage. I wanted some form of revenge, that was why I enlisted with the Alliance shortly after I turned 18.

I thought I wasn't as cherry as the other new Marines. I'd already experienced some of the horrors that awaited out in the galaxy. I was wrong, I was the least prepared and ready on my first assignment, Akuze. I'd watched as my whole unit was killed by Thresher Maws. I didn't try to help them, didn't fire off a single round, and I didn't try to run for my life. I just stared and watched the carnage before me. I had no nerve, no willpower, no anger, no fear, nothing. That's why I survived Akuze, because I was a coward.

After Akuze, I blamed myself for everything and everyone's death was my fault. Everyone on Akuze and everyone on Mindoir all my fault. My time was spent in bars trying to escape that reality in the bottom of bottles. Liqueur, the harshest stuff the galaxy had, one drink after another. I thought it numbed the pain, it don't, it only intensifies it. After an undetermined amount of time I'd been hauled in by AP. Sent to detox and mandatory consoling, to deal with what happened on Akuze... and Mindoir.

Once I'd been cleared for duty, I used the events of Mindoir and Akuze to push forward. I also abandoned all use of my first name, Jacob 'Jake' Shepard. I vowed that there would never be another Mindoir or Akuze on my watch. My sole reason for being was to save lives not just fellow soldiers, not just humans, not just colonists, all lives, and I'd been damn good at it too. So good I got offered N7 training and completed with the highest honors. Honors... _humph _that shits meaningless, always has been and always will.

Another thing I did was wall myself off from everyone, no friends, no special lady, no one got inside, close to me. Why? Because that would just make things harder and more complicated. If I let someone in close I could end up losing them, they could end up losing me. They could also end up clouding my judgment. So it was better off not letting anyone get close.

I lived in an endless grind, one mission after the next. Up till Eden Prime, I'd only lost three soldiers, Timothy Lowe on Terra Nova, Maria Castillo retaking a Frigate from pirates, and Jason Mckeen on **New Canton. **Those colony worlds see more than their fair of shit.

On Eden Prime I lost another, Richard Jenkins and met Ashley Williams. Her whole unit had been slaughtered by the Geth. Shortly after that, I was made the first Human Spectre, and tasked with hunting down the rogue Specter Saren Arterius. Saren and his Geth army where behind the attack on Eden Prime... or so it seemed.

During that time Ash and I had grown close. I'd helped her deal with her own case of survivor's guilt by sharing my own experiences, what was it she called that again_... _ahh yes, _healing through guilt._ For the first time in years I let myself get close to other people. Ash was the first person in a long time I considered a friend. Hell, I'd even told her my first name, Jake. She still refereed to me as "Skipper". Ash wasn't the only person I'd come to view as a friend she was just the first.

It was during that time, I discovered the events of Akuze had been orchestrated by Cerberus for some sort of twisted experiment. Ash had been with me in that bunker when I discovered it all. That Toombs had managed to survive the events of Akzue. I'd been so pissed off about it all, I shot the Cerberus scientist right there, but I was unable to prevent Toombs from killing himself. Toombs another person I couldn't save.

After the whole ordeal Ash had come to me, "_Skipper, I can't imagine what this is like for you. After all these years, to discover your unit died in one of Cerberus's sick projects. Seeing Toombs, like that... and unable to stop him... Skipper, you've been there for me, if you wanna talk … well... I'm here for __you."_

"_Thanks Ash, that means a lot." _

Is that still true? _Ash, would you still be there for me, if I needed someone to talk with? _I doubt so, not after all the pain I've inflected on you.

Another place that left it's mark on me in more ways than one is Virmire. On Virmire my squad met up with a Salarian STG unit under the command of Captain Kirrahe. Our mission was to launch an assault on Seran's research and cloning base. Kirrahe requested and needed, one of my men, either Kaidan or Ash. He needed someone to help his men and coordinate between his teams and mine. I chose Ash, an odd choice maybe given I was closer with her than I was with Kaidan. My reasons for choosing her were to get everyone out alive. With the loss of her unit on Eden Prime, Ash, was the best suited to get the Salarians out alive. It would be her chance to shine, her chance at redemption, and her chance to break the Williams curse, all at once.

When my team entered the base, we discovered that Saren's ship, Sovereign wasn't a ship but a Reaper. The Reapers weren't just a myth they were real. It was like the whole galaxy stopped making sense and at the same time, I felt like it was the first time anything had made any sense. Still reeling from that discovery, I'd been forced to save either Kaidan or Ash. The choice again, was motivated by saving as many lives as I could, Ash and the Salarains.

Ash had gotten Kirrahe and all his STG troops out alive. When she started to blame herself for Kaidan, I told her my reasons for choosing her, all of them. Why I'd chosen her to go with Kirrahe, because I knew she could do it, and it would give her a chance to break the Williams curse. I reiterated again, that Kaidan's death wasn't on her, it was on me. _"No matter what you do or how hard you try good people are always going to die." _I'd told her that many times.

Ash and I have been through a lot as fellow soldiers and friends. I was gutted on Horizon, not by Ash. She knows my history and feelings towards Cerberus better than most anyone. No, I was gutted by the damage I'd caused and the pain my death had inflected on her. I'd been dead for two years, I wasn't there for anyone. I can't say as I would have reacted any different in her spot. I've got so much damage to undo with Ash, so many wounds need healing, and I don't think time is gonna cure them, honestly I don't know what can. The questions she had about me on Horizon, were things I was already wondering about myself. _Why was I willingly working with Cerberus? Did I somehow feel I owed them for bringing me back to life? Is Cerberus controlling me somehow? What If I'm not really me? What if I'm just something that thinks it's me?_

No, I don't owe Cerberus a damn thing. I'd destroy the whole origination given the chance. It makes me sick knowing they brought me back to life. As for the latter questions, there is no answers. I've spent so much time wondering if I'm really me? if I'm being controlled? There are no answers for those sort of questions.

Cerberus and the Illusive Man's claims, that their purpose is looking out for humanity's best interest, is the most screwed up crock of shit ever. I've never seen Cerberus conducting sick experiments on Turians, Quarians, Batarians, Asari, or Salarian, test subjects, no just humans. Akuze, the whole mess with Admiral Kahoku, the Thorian Creepers, all sadistic experiments with human test subjects. Not to mention Project Overlord.

I hated working with Cerberus, the only reason that kept me working with them, was the colonists being abducted by the Collectors. I was a colony kid, lost everything in the raid on Mindoir. I couldn't turn my back on the colonists. Cerberus was the only ones willing to do what needed to be done stop the Collectors.

After taking the Collectors down I told the Illusive Man to go the hell and he'd best not get in my way again. I think he knows, I wouldn't hesitate to kill him. The Illusive Man's death would be the end of Cerberus.

I'd worked with Cerberus to save lives. Saving lives has been my sole purpose and driving force, hell I'd even died doing that. I'd done a damn good job of it too... until recently.

**Part 2: New and Old Friends **

The only thing left to do before heading to Earth is part ways with the last few members of the squad. I hate saying goodbyes. The last members are the ones I'm closest with Garrus, Thane, Samara, and Jack.  
Garrus and Thane are both getting off at the Citadel, which is the next destination.

In the two years I was dead, most my friends changed, hell the whole galaxy changed. Everywhere I went there seemed to be some sort of news about me, "Commander Shepard, first human Spectre, who died in the days after the Battle of the Citadel". I've become a hero, a legend, I hate it. I'm not special, I'm not any different than anyone else, I'm not above anyone and I damn sure am not a hero.

Garrus, he's like an older brother to me. Finding him on Omega as Archangel, well it was a great feeling. He'd been unfazed by my sudden return from the dead and he was the same person he'd been two years ago. When he'd been blown up by the gunship there I was devastated, I didn't think he'd make it.

Up till Garrus came on board, there wasn't anyone I could count on having my back when things went to hell with Cerberus. Sure Joker and Chakwas were there but they're non combatants. It was my duty to protect them. If I pissed off Cerberus, they'd be in middle of the mess. Garrus, he evened the odds more in our favor. He wasn't just any combat vet, he and I fought side by side first against Saren, the Geth, and Sovereign. Then against the Reapers, the Collectors, and Cerberus.

That sort of bond, forged in the fires of hell, is one of the strongest, most unique bonds ever. I know we'll have each others backs in the coming battles with the Reapers.

So parting ways with Garrus is going to be hard.

Thane's philosophical outlook on life, I found very intriguing. I found his spiritual beliefs interesting. I'd never thought of myself as as spiritual person, hell I'd never really been much of a person. Many of the talks we've had left me reexamining my own life.

**Then:**

"_Thane, this battlesleep while you were in it, what was it like inside your mind?"  
_

_Thane bowed his head and momentarily paused. Looking as if he was about to slip into one of his __solipsism flashbacks, but just blinked. He looked up, meeting Shepard's gaze, before speaking "Nothing, my mind was not there. My body was merely drifting in this world, awaiting to be delivered to the sea, and be reunited with Irikah. "_

"So what awoke you?" 

_"You. I had resigned myself to my fate when I took the Dantius assignment. My slow awakening was your doing Shepard. Were it not for our talks, I would still be asleep."_ _  
_

"_What about the message about your son, Kolyat, wouldn't that have woken you?"_

"I doubt it, Kolyat was to receive that after I died. When I was in my battlesleep, I had been looking to die. That is one reason why I did the Dantius job. When I first came on board, my body was your weapon to command. I had a single purpose, the mission, going through the Omega-4 Relay, and stopping the Collectors. I had no concerns for my body, every battle only brought me closer to be reunited with Irikah across the sea. Shepard, when you kept coming down here asking questions, that is what woke me. I shall not dwell on what would have become of Kolyat had our paths never crossed."

"Once the Collectors are stopped what do you plan to do?"

"There is much I intend to see through with my life. I do not intend to squander this chance at living again. I have not been there for Kolyat, I can and will now. I would also like to help you rid the galaxy of the Reapers"  


"_To atone for the things you've done?"_

"Perhaps, but that is an overly simplified way of putting it. The Reapers are a foe few can comprehend. If so few can comprehend them, then defeating them is infinitely more difficult to fathom. Is it not better to have something more than self preservation, heroic glory, or even the incomprehensible term of all life in the galaxy at stake? Koylat's full life is ahead of him, so long as the Reapers are stopped. Shepard do you have something your fighting the Reapers for? Something personal, or is your reason merely saving lives?"

_**Now:**_

I didn't reply, what Thane said, made me rethink much of my own life. I wonder if I've spent most of my life in my own battle sleep. My sole reason for being has been saving lives, I even died doing that, saving Joker's life. I've been living to prevent another Mindoir, Akuze, Eden Prime, Virmire, or Horizon from happening again.

Those events have all shaped me and none of it has ever truly broken me. I've never felt like all hope was lost, I used to take comfort in that. Now, I'm worried that one sad twist of fate is all it will take to break me. _Why? This isn't like me?_

Is it because now something worse than all those combined has happened? An entire system has been obliterated on my watch, and there was nothing I could have done to stop it from happening. Is that why I feel that I could be broken so easily?

**Part 3: Aftermath of Arrival **

Before even setting foot on Aratoht, I had a bad feeling about the mission. Every fiber of my being screamed doing this mission solo wasn't a good idea.

The details Hackett had given were vague at best. I tried to get more information from him. Information on Amanda Kenson, how he knew her, her service history, personal background, files on each member of the science team, any sort of files on their work, and most importantly any details on the Reaper artifact, none of which Hackett gave.

Hackett had said _"_I won't betray Kenson's trust by handing over her personal files, or her team's files. Commander, I hope you can understand that. As for the the Reaper artifact, I know very little, Kenson says it's proof that the Reaper's intend to invade and how they plan to do so. That's... about all I know."

_That's... about all I know_**,** it was the way Hackett said it, the way he remained silent waiting for a response. It was as if he knew something more, and was hesitant to share it.

If it was simply breaking into the Aratoht prison, grabbing an Alliance Operative, then getting the hell out, it made perfect sense to do it solo. It wasn't that simple, knowing nothing about Kenson, her team, or the Reaper artifact, and knowing plenty about Reapers made it unsettling. My instincts told me to at least bring Garrus along, I should have listened.

I've done several missions for Hackett before, he'd always been upfront with me. I'd let our past dealings cloud my better judgment. There was more to this then just Kenson and the Reapers. What was it Hackett said Kenson was doing in Batarian space? _"A deep cover operative in Batarian Space",_ that's extremely vague... Son of a bitch! That could be what he's hiding, what Kenson was doing in Batarian Space.

This isn't like you Hackett, withholding Intel, half truths, secrecy, and sending me in blind. It's more like the type of shit the Illusive Man pulled.

Now, I have to head to Earth and be sidelined when I could... Should be preparing for the Reapers. Is there anyway one could even prepare for such a threat? The Reapers are practically knocking on the door. By destroying the Alpha Relay all I did was delay their Arrival and murder a whole system.

Face it your likely the biggest mass murderer in history, 300,000 Batarians murdered. Kenson had been planing to destroy the Alpha Relay, which in turn would kill everyone in the Bahak System. Did she not share any of her plans with Hackett? She had to have been reporting to someone, it's how the Alliance works. Did Hackett know about her plans? The Bahak system should have been evacuated, the death of 300,000 lives is unacceptable. The Reapers are gonna show up sooner or later, and the galaxy needs to be ready to stop them.

Can the Reapers even be stopped?

**Part 4: Garrus and Thane**

I hear the door to the battery open, I look up to see Garrus making his way over to the table. I'm saved from my own grim thoughts, "Shepard, you know that once the first Reapers show up the Council will force the Alliance to send their Spectre back to the Citadel?"

"That's only if they don't revoke my Spectre status for blowing up the Alpha Relay."

Garrus sat down at the table, "Hackett said that the mission would remain unofficial, completely off the books, no blow back on humanity or the Alliance. So unless Councilor Anderson shares this info with the rest of the Council how would they know you had been a part of it? Anderson will think of some way to get you back, he's never once left you out to dry. The Council will call you back once the Reapers start to show up..." Garrus paused briefly "so long as the one Councilor still don't think the Reapers are just a myth they've dismissed before."

I let out a chuckle at his joke about the Turian Councilor. "Garrus you seem to have a way of making me laugh when things seem bleak" Everything he says makes sense and for the moment that puts my mind at ease.

"Preparing to dock" Joker's voice buzzes over the intercom letting everyone know that we have arrived at the Citadel.

Garrus and I get up and walk to the elevator. The door to life support opens with a hiss as Thane walks out making his way toward us. "Garrus" Thane nods his head greeting the Turian, before turning to me "Shepard, I will try and keep in contact. I plan to lay low on the Citadel and do some catching up with my son Kolyat before the Reapers invade." He calmly states.

The elevator opens and we get in. Garrus speaks "Thane, if you need anything, let me know. I still have many friends on the Citadel both in and out of C-Sec."

The Drell nods again his way of acknowledging, "My thanks, it is much appreciated."

The doors open at the CIC. "You take care Thane, spend as much time as you can with your son." I extend my hand and shake Thane's.

"As I previously stated, I will be honored to aid you, as friend and ally, in the coming battles against the Reapers. Shepard, farewell for now." Thane departs heading for the airlock.

"Shepard" Garrus sticks out his hand and awkwardly attempts a hand shake "Still don't got the hang of that quite yet. I'll do what I can to make sure the Turian fleet is ready for the Reapers."

"They'll need to be half assed ready if we hope to stop the Reapers. Garrus, I know you'll do what you can." I watch from the elevator as Thane and now Garrus head for the airlock.

"Just make sure your skills don't get rusty from spending time around the Five Star Bench Warming Committee." Garrus shoots back getting the last word in before heading out the airlock. A smirk crosses my face, at the clearly human geared Five Star Committee slam. Garrus you have a way of getting me to smile no matter how grim the situation.

**Part 5: Disconnected **

I hit the key on the lift to take me to my personal quarters. I want some time alone... to think. Entering my cabin, I head toward my desk. As I sit down I glance over at the picture of Liara. We shared a brief romance together before going to Ilos. Of all my friends Liara has changed the most in the two years I'd been dead. _Or maybe I never knew her? I can't recall what I felt towards her._

I was inside Liara's apartment on Illium, and it was clear that she had loved me. She had part of my old N7 Armor in a glass display along with my old Alliance Issue Dog Tags. On one of her night stands there had been a picture of the Normandy and on the other there was a picture of me. That all told me that we'd once been very close. Or at least I'd been extremely important to her. Had she ever meant something more to me? Or was she like all the other girls in that life a quick fling? Conveniently there, available, and willing?

After the Shadow Broker incident, Liara had given me my old Tags back. I could tell that she still loved me from how she looked and spoke to me. I decided to tell her right there that I had no interest in "Us". She looked as if she was about to cry, but just turned and coldly said "I suppose that too much time has passed. I'm sure it's for the best."

What I never told her is that the only thing from that life I can't recall is how I felt about her. I remembered the time I spent with her, but it's as if all the emotions are missing, the feelings are just gone. I can remember all the other feelings and emotions from that life, the death of people I knew, Mindoir, Akuze, Eden Prime, becoming the first human Spectre, Virmire, the SR1 being attacked by the Collectors, hauling Joker to an escape pod, and knowing that I was going to die next.

Hell I still get shivers thinking about that last one. How I'd so easily just embraced death. The feelings and tingling sensations of that cold and also warm comforting embrace felt oddly peaceful. I remember thinking _This is it I'm finally checking out and I'm doing so saving lives... ahh death... finally I... can rest..._

All of it is there except what was directly connected to Liara.

When Udina locked the Normandy down, I was beyond pissed. _Udina you son of a bitch. You backstabbing asshole you've sold me out just to further your own agenda. _I began punching my locker in rage over and over again. I didn't even stop when my knuckles started to bleed. It wasn't until Liara had come to comfort me that I suddenly stopped. _Why? Why then? _When she refereed to me as "Shepard", in that moment I even told her to call me "Jake". _Why? The only other person who I told that to was Ash._ Whatever feelings had led me to tell her that were all gone.

Dammit! It's like these memories belong to someone else. It's like watching a movie I feel nothing, no emotional connection and ties. Nothing, it's all just gone and it's the only thing from that life that I have that with. Is this Cerberus's doing? Doubtful, it makes no sense for them to do that. If it had been everything about Cerberus then it would make sense. So why are all the feelings and emotions tied to memories of Liara gone?

_Dammit, and this picture, your face staring at me... _My mind and body react as one pushing the picture of Liara over._ I should know and be able to recall that stuff, but I can't. Why?_

It's clear that any sort of feelings I had for Liara, all the emotional connections that should be tied to my memories of her, have completely vanished when I died in the Collector attack.


End file.
